It’s a small thing; I’ve planted seeds that are bigger than this pill. It’s so small that sometimes it can slip through my fingers as I’m getting it out of the bottle. Imagine trying to find this little thing on the floor—before your eager, ever-hungry dog does. Or one of your five curious, playful cats.

The doctor wants my boy to have only one-half of a tablet every morning. See that line in the middle of the pill? That’s there so that you can split it in half with your fingers. Only it’s so tiny that you can’t get the leverage you need to break it—see the picture above. So into the pill cutter it goes. But not like that. It has to be straight, parallel to the edge of the box so that the cutter on the top can make a clean, even slice. Let me just get my finger in there to straighten it out.

No, no, not that way. It has to be horizontal, not vertical. Vertical is too thin. Here, let me try it this way . . . almost got it . . . no, not like that . . . hang on, I think that’s right . . . oops . . . so close . . . let me try again . . . uh . . . Dammit!

Okay. There it is. I have no idea how it got there. But at least it’s ready now.

Mission accomplished.

Twenty-nine pills and a half-hour later. I know it’s only breakfast time, but I need a drink.